Today is a day to do the next right thing that will lead me back to my faith in a higher power...

That may be saying the serenity prayer, calling a friend and saying that I am struggling, or perhaps opening a book. Whatever gets me to stop thinking I am in control and surrender to my higher power. It took me a long time to find my higher power and admit I could not overcome my character defects on my own. I had to come to a place where that higher power could even be named god, and if that name came up, I could stay at peace. I struggled for a time because the god of my understanding was punitive, judgemental and would cast me aside if I didn’t measure up. 

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I began to cultivate a faith in anything other than myself. At first, I called this higher power the universe. I had begun to believe that something or someone was reaching out through the darkness to take my hand and lead me to safety. I see now looking back that I was my harshest judge that I was punishing myself for not measuring up to what I perceived was perfection. I didn’t need some preconceived version of god to do that. 

I have now created a god/higher power of my own understanding. One that I can trust to guide my thinking back to a place of peace when my programming from the past wants to drag me back to darkness. Today I rely on the Serenity prayer when I feeling restless irritable and discontent. I can finally say the word GOD and not want to run. My god is Grace Over Dis-ease. I don’t need to know the who, what, where, why or how of God, it is enough to believe GOD exists. 

So now with my new understanding I ask myself each morning was I useful today and as I lay my head down, I am say a gratitude for my existence, for those who created me and guide me from wherever they are. To god, my parents, my friends and family, my Gurus and guides thank you thank you thank you.