The Search for A Soul Mate
Every year around Valentines day many folks are taking about what love is.We all should be familiar with the Bambi version where the wise old explains that they are all twitterpated and acting goofy. I have been married for almost 28 years, and my own interpretation of love has changed somewhat over those years. At 21 years of age I may have overthought it a bit. I thought if Kevin didn’t come straight home from work it was a sign that he didn’t care about me as much as a new husband should and I would spiral into deep depressive thoughts about how I was going to live a cold lonely one sided marriage, the longer he was out the more bleak I would imagine our future. He would come home to me sitting in the dark listening to Richard Marx and staring at the wall refusing to look in his direction. Well I may have been a bit off, Guys just need time to be with guys on occasion and he didn’t’ always need to be with be to be a caring partner.
Well things have actually turned out fairly well despite his early shenanigans, now I actually wish that he would stay out once in a while instead of always being underfoot, if he really loved me he would give me some space.
A lot of folks out there spend a lot of time, energy and money looking for the soul mate. Why does it need to be a soul mate well my theory is that they feel that if it a soul mate there will never be any disagreements or desire to follow separate interests but that rather their entire relationship will be filled with harps and flowers and that feeling of being twitterpated. We all know people who are looking for just that and may be on their 7th soul mate, give or take one or two. They think early in the relationship that this person is the one and they spouts their positive attributes to all who will listen and like is good, until it isn’t, before long they find that perhaps their soulmate football and they do not so how can this continue They morph’s a bit in the beginning like as we all do and then when the newness wears off they begin searching for real soul mate.
This to me is when love steps in after the honeymoon phase, we do not set out to deceive and portray ourselves as something were not no. When you are feeling twitterpated and new into a relationship you are trying to make a good impression and conscious of your every move around your soul mate or sweetheart. It is like learning to drive a car. When you first learn to drive it is a bit scary, you have to think about everything when to brake when to turn on your signal and over time your subconscious mind takes over and somehow you just arrive at your destination. Over time we become comfortable in our relationship and we let our subconscious drive the relationship much of the time.
I know for me I often look at my husband and wonder what on earth we have in common he is a redneck, smoking, jack of all trades tough talking, beer dinking baby of seven children. I on the other hand don’t smoke, work with young children, attend school and am a committee junkie. but every now and then he surprises me, I have heard speak about my philosophies regarding the education of young children and holy spokes he nailed it, and I know watch Nascar along with him and if he is not home I am still watching I am not sure if that is love or osmosis.
When I asked Kevin what love is he said moving heaven and earth to move your wife and family to town in two weeks because she felt your son needing to start at the Child Development Center so they could fix him, or not blowing your stack when your wife calls and asks what to do she is 2.5 hours away with the children and both sets of keys are locked in the truck.
For me love is knowing that I can not hire a contractor that yes he can redo the kitchen at a fraction of the cost but it will take two long years and the basement omg I actually had two ditches to hop over to get to the washer and dryer and rung in the new year carrying 50 pound bags of cement down the stairs so Kevin could mix it in a wheelbarrow. We finished about 1 am.
At the end of the day, it is being there for each other, respecting the differences and knowing that you would be more miserable without each other than we are with.
Rosetta Sanders